It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.

Author Unknown

Monday, November 23, 2020

Chapter 11, Page 23, Book 20

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.  This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.

Brene’ Brown

Day 23 — thankful for boundaries and not walls

We have to be able to set boundaries, otherwise the rest of the world is telling you who you are and what you should be doing.
You can still be a nice person and set boundaries, 

Oprah Winfrey

Just as groups of people and countries do, we all need boundaries, it’s important for us to have boundaries.  Because everyone who wants to come into our lives may not be good for us., we can decide whether to allow them to get close or not.  This kind of boundary setting can be physical, but it can also be emotional and mental.  We get to decide whether or not we will give certain people access to our hearts and minds.  We can choose how much we will alow our hearts to love or trust them, if at all.  We can also choose how much we will think about them.  One of the keys to being a healthy individual is to have appropriate boundaries in relationships.

There is a difference between boundaries and walls, and sometimes when a person is very wounded in their soul, they’ll put up walls instead of boundaries and say to themselves, I’ve been hurt and nobody will hurt me again.  I’m not going to allow anyone to get close to me ever again.

A person with healthy boundaries says, I’ve experienced a lot of hurt, and I need to protect myself and be involved with people who are safe for me.  I’m going to be wise in decerning as I build relationships.

Building walls leaves no room for healthy relationships, but a person who sets boundaries is open to deep relationships.but only if they are respectful and beneficial. They don’t shut out all people or certain categories of people, but remain open to people as long as they are positive, not negative.   

There are reasons to set boundaries for yourself, but there are also reasons to keep doors open.  

Ashley Graham


Buttercup said...

Great post and lots to think about. It took me many years to build good boundaries, but definitely worth the effort. Take care!

Donna. W said...

Good thoughts. Nice to know I can always come here and get some good positive stuff.

Mevely317 said...

Great topic ... seldom discussed. The second sentence in Brene' Brown's quote is especially good.

Susan Kane said...

It is a great topic. Over the years I have spent more time letting someone convince me to do something for them. It has taken the past 5 years to keep myself for me, to be gentle with myself. Thanks.

NanaDiana said...

There is definitely a difference between boundaries and walls! I have learned to set boundaries with several people that I felt used my time and talent over the years...and gave nothing back. I needed to do that. Sometimes it is hard to close the door even when we know we should.
Happy Thanksgiving. Stay safe- xo Diana

betty said...

It is important to set boundaries and make sure in the process a wall is not being built :)


jack69 said...

I must have lost a comment. Gotta pay more attention. Anyway very good read and I forget it was Shakespear that said: Love all, trust few but do harm to none. (close quote) anyway good stuff. Love from down here.
Sherry & jack